I always COMPARE
I always think that I am a LOSER
This is WHO I AM
I always think that my life is a MESS,like I can't do my studies really very very well ,I can't have the body figure that I myself adore ,I can't really do well in a lot of things ...bla bla bla .
I over think ,a lot ,and that makes the unconfident and insecure me .
But Everything happens for a reason ... When I was a kid ,I couldn't say I matured totally but I did know the reality of this world .i mean some of them .People somehow just look at the better stuff .the other one wic is considered or categorized as good stuff,they do look at it ,but just for a moment .They still choose the better one .
And yeah ,people judge by looks .i don't mean all but mostly .when we first meet a person ,people who is good looking leaves a better impression to us .that is so true n so normal .so ,mostly all judge by looks then only by personality .
This is very normal .This happens all the time .You might say I always compare and I don cherish what I have ,but do you know people compared me with the other one since we were just kids ? And they did not choose me ,they chosed those better ,and that made me realize ,I MUST BE STRONG .I DONT WANT PEOPLE TO LOOK DOWN ON ME I WNT PEOPLE TO LIKE ME .
So over the 10 years ,I chosed to become like who I am now .i wasn't really happy .i always compared .I always gt envy when people were better than me because I was so scared ,I was afraid that people might leave me when they found out that I was not talented .
I don't blame anyone .Because its like the natural phenomena .We want better quality stuffs,even pets .Right ? But keep that in mind ,your choice over the better things might make the people who is not chosen to feel he or she is totally loser .That is why nowadays there are so many cases of suicide.
We say that those who suicide are too stupid and crazy and they DONT KNOW ABOUT LIFE YET .But you are not them ,you don't experience what they experience .You don't really understand .Things are always easy to say than doing them .So ,what I want to emphasize is that they might be wrong to suicide ,but somehow ...the reality forces them to ...
There was a time I really wanted to choose that path too .i was really lost .I M NO KIDDING .My mind just went out of control and I just couldn't stop thinking that this world was against me all the time .i thought of thousands of ways to die .Die then I would be free from all those stupid comments n bla bla .
So you think I m crazy n stupid and I think too much huh ? That's what my friends always say bout me .But please ,you don't know the fucking things I hv ever experienced .you can bear it but it doesn't mean I can too .
But then I was thinking ,if I die ,then how bout my family n friends ? Will they sad ? Yes they will .and when I was in that bad condition I was so touched because there were actually my REALLY BEST FRIENDS to support me .They did not blame me for over thinking .But they did always text me and be with me always they were studying in other places .So I managed to get out from th shit .
We ,who are considered as good other than the better quality ,what we want is just SINCERITY .FRIENDSHIP.And still SINCERITY .
Maybe ,I have to take the responsibitllity too .i care too much compare too much think too much . But it's impossible for me to be a really really cheerful person with no negative thinking because I m human .Humans are complicated .
I m really happy I have all my friends with me ,those who really care about me and be with me all the time .Yes I need friendship because for me,family and friendship are the most important .They help me to be a better person .Yes ,I mean it .I am so thankful .
And last night ,I suddenly realized that THERE IS ACTUALLY NO PERFECT SCORES no matter in what .Everything u think is perfect ,there is still some bad parts but the good parts shade your sight and u don't notice it .So what is bothering me all the time ? It's me myself who make myself sound so pity .Guess I will just let everything to be natural .things that aredestined to happen wil happen eventually . 
The reason I blog this is just to share it .If you don't like it ,just leave .ok ?
