19th birthday

Haven't blogged for a long time .How are you guys ? 

I just passed my 19th birthday .Yes .I am 19 now .Next year ,no more 1 as the initial for me .I feel so old now .Owwww 

I received a lot of love ,as always .I am thankful for that .I think all of you have given me more than what I deserve .Its just can't be described using words .

My bitches ,They were not with me on my birthday .But their souls were with me .I received loves by them .i know they will always stand by me like no matter what .Shhh bitches .we talk inside the group ya :) you guys know I love u right ? .And my guys too .Haha oh yeah I wanna take this chance to wish my 1-day-earlier bro Kthyng happy birthday ! Love u like hell muacks !!!!  

Oh yeah .I received two calls from people I cherish .1 was from A and her sister and the other one was from TJY .It was really really warming .A was a friend I met on tuition .Not really friend but I din know since when we became like really good friends and we encouraged each other in our life .i really cherish her .Fate let us meet togetger and I always belive we gonna have a very long friendship and plus I m going to study in nilai so soon and yeahhhhh we will be living close enough ! And A' sis ,S ,I always heard from A about you .You are always our inspiration .You have courage ,you are strong ,you are beautiful ...I hope I can lead my future life like you .TJY ,thanks lovely ! It was so nice chatting with you .We might have different opinions in some little things , but it doesn't stop us from being good friends isn't it ? Haha .i really miss u u know :( 

I thought my birthday would pass like ordinary day .I did not expect much because I am afraid that expectation leads to disappointment .I am always like that ,Too rational ,until I become a mean person .People who don't know me would think that I am a very arrogant bitch but what to do ? This is my personality .I am cold to strangers,But once we get to know each other ,I m crazy and you probably will think ' why on earth has such crazy person' 

Back to birthday 

.I received many texts that day .I knew I should be grateful and I told myself 'its enough .No celebration is ok .its just a day ' but I actually felt so lonely ,particularly on that day .I thought I could survive alone ,but on that day I realized we people are supposed to live as groups ,loneliness kills . 

I was planning to get some sleep .And then my babe J asked me to wait for her .She had sad things to tell me .Ok .i waited ,with my eyes half closed .And on strike 12am which was already the 17th feb ,she reached my door side with the other girls and they sang HB song to me .I really so gandong .And that time I really happy .like really really happy .It was really enough for me .J texted me a long message .Owww .And she gave me something that I wanted .it was given on Valentines Day .So should I say its my first valentines gift ? Haha .Thanks.You shouldn't have wasted so much money .

Oh well ,T lied to me on my bd.She said she couldn't get inti hostel as she forgt to bring keys ! I was so worried bout her but shit the rapid .I waited for nearly 1 hour to get back to hostel .Then she came to my hostel ,and we talked.When I went to bathe she put sunflowers (my favourite) on my desk .and she helped me choose a dress,saying that I just wore it once and I should wear more often .She probably knew that I was a lazy person n I would just get it on on the next day haha! Owww I was so surprised by the flowers ! She so sweet ! 

Thanks lovely ! 

On 17th feb ,I gt up like usual ,struggling whether I should go to biology class or not .Ok I am lazy (shh) .At last I did go ,But with sleepy body owwwwww:( It was like usual day ,We half slept in the class while listening to lecture .My sweet Kirthi,she gave me a small version hello kitty owwww .M I as cute as her ? I love it too much and I gonna put it in my display cupboard n take pic.Wait me get home ! Thx babe ! I did not sense anything wrong .After class ,C said there was a place at 3rd floor so we just went there .OK .When I reach the cubicle I was so startled .there was a pink Victoria Secret plastic bag in front of me ,with the balloons and all of my gals ! I really so surprised 

My brain was blank that time .I barely remembered what I had said that time ,I was just so ....blank lol .I know people would say I like the gifts they gave me .But that time I actually forgt about the gift .I was overwhelmed by love .I was thinking " how will I be if I did not get to know them last time ?" 

I just can't describe my feelings with words .Dear my girls ,You know me ,So I won't say much .I m so grateful ,so so so grateful .Fate brings us together .Time brings us closer .We are going to separate soon .But I know ,somehow we will remember the days back  in IICP .I know sometimes I am mean ,but I just really love you all ,Mayb what I say is wrong but I do not mean so .Forgive me .I will try to be a better person . <3 

Lastly ,I want to say thank you to my mommy .She is the one that teaches me that I should be independent ,She is my mentor ,Like forever .Without her ,there is no me .No one is perfect .Sometimes we argue but end up I know she loves me unconditionally .She is my best friend .She knows me .My daddy ,I love u too .I know u love me like I am yr princess.You fulfill my wishes ,You pamper me which no other guy will do.And to my two brothers ,I miss u guys so much .I really love you two ! Do u miss me ? Hehe 

Do you SMILE today ?

      I once read from an article ,stated that 'a SMILE can change your LIFE'.

I wasn't really looking into it ,as I thought it was ridiculous .Smile? I don't smile! Why should I smile to strangers? 

But as time flies ,I grow up ,entering college and staying far from home (not really far just 2hr journey^^) .I start to realize a SMILE really matters a lot . 

     Try to imagine ,when you are in a totally new environment ,which you don't know anybody ,you must be very nervous .(ok at least ME hehe) And at that time,if people smile at you ,even just a little (or maybe he or she doesn't smile exactly at you ,but to others><) ,you still have the better feeling of secure .For me,when a stranger smiles at me ,I feel like sleeping on a bed of roses,and this makes my day ! 

      I take rapid a lot .I meet different kinds of people up thre.What makes me happy is when I ask the driver what number of the rapid should I take bla bla,the driver will kindly reply me with a warm smile...owww it's really sweet ! I once met a driver who even smiled and waved goodbye to me after he closed the door when I was waiting for the other rapid .Sincerely ,it really makes my day .

 

    Somehow people might think,eww you met a queer uncle! The truth is ,this world has gotten worse ,crimes occur everyday .you don't know when is your TURN ,And this is why when strangers are trying to smile and talk to us,we will shock and run away .This is PATHETIC . A smile or a 'hi' should be pure and warm like morning sun ,but they are being distorted now .

      Anyway,I try to smile to all people that I meet everyday .Its good when people smile back :) .So I hope you don't freak out when I smile at you .I am not a pervert haha . 

Taken from Facebook--->

Perfect score

I always long for PERFECT 

I always COMPARE 

I always think that I am a LOSER 

This is WHO I AM 

I always think that my life is a MESS,like I can't do my studies really very very well ,I can't have the body figure that I myself adore ,I can't really do well in a lot of things ...bla bla bla .

I over think ,a lot ,and that makes the unconfident and insecure me .

But Everything happens for a reason ... When I was a kid ,I couldn't say I matured totally but I did know the reality of this world .i mean some of them .People somehow just look at the better stuff .the other one wic is considered or categorized as good stuff,they do look at it ,but just for a moment .They still choose the better one .

And yeah ,people judge by looks .i don't mean all but mostly .when we first meet a person ,people who is good looking leaves a better impression to us .that is so true n so normal .so ,mostly all judge by looks then only by personality .

This is very normal .This happens all the time .You might say I always compare and I don cherish what I have ,but do you know people compared me with the other one since we were just kids ? And they did not choose me ,they chosed those better ,and that made me realize ,I MUST BE STRONG .I DONT WANT PEOPLE TO LOOK DOWN ON ME I WNT PEOPLE TO LIKE ME .

So over the 10 years ,I chosed to become like who I am now .i wasn't really happy .i always compared .I always gt envy when people were better than me because I was so scared ,I was afraid that people might leave me when they found out that I was not talented .

I don't blame anyone .Because its like the natural phenomena .We want better quality stuffs,even pets .Right ? But keep that in mind ,your choice over the better things might make the people who is not chosen to feel he or she is totally loser .That is why nowadays there are so many cases of suicide.

We say that those who suicide are too stupid and crazy and they DONT KNOW ABOUT LIFE YET .But you are not them ,you don't experience what they experience .You don't really understand .Things are always easy to say than doing them .So ,what I want to emphasize is that they might be wrong to suicide ,but somehow ...the reality forces them to ... 

There was a time I really wanted to choose that path too .i was really lost .I M NO KIDDING .My mind just went out of control and I just couldn't stop thinking that this world was against me all the time .i thought of thousands of ways to die .Die then I would be free from all those stupid comments n bla bla .

So you think I m crazy n stupid and I think too much huh ? That's what my friends always say bout me .But please ,you don't know the fucking things I hv ever experienced .you can bear it but it doesn't mean I can too .

But then I was thinking ,if I die ,then how bout my family n friends ? Will they sad ? Yes they will .and when I was in that bad condition I was so touched because there were actually my REALLY BEST FRIENDS to support me .They did not blame me for over thinking .But they did always text me and be with me always they were studying in other places .So I managed to get out from th shit . 

We ,who are considered as good other than the better quality ,what we want is just SINCERITY .FRIENDSHIP.And still SINCERITY .

Maybe ,I have to take the responsibitllity too .i care too much compare too much think too much . But it's impossible for me to be a really really cheerful person with no negative thinking because I m human .Humans are complicated . 

I m really happy I have all my friends with me ,those who really care about me and be with me all the time .Yes I need friendship because for me,family and friendship are the most important .They help me to be a better person .Yes ,I mean it .I am so thankful . 

And last night ,I suddenly realized that THERE IS ACTUALLY NO PERFECT SCORES no matter in what .Everything u think is perfect ,there is still some bad parts but the good parts shade your sight and u don't notice it .So what is bothering me all the time ? It's me myself who make myself sound so pity .Guess I will just let everything to be natural .things that aredestined to happen wil happen eventually . 

The reason I blog this is just to share it .If you don't like it ,just leave .ok ?