Perfect score

I always long for PERFECT 

I always COMPARE 

I always think that I am a LOSER 

This is WHO I AM 

I always think that my life is a MESS,like I can't do my studies really very very well ,I can't have the body figure that I myself adore ,I can't really do well in a lot of things ...bla bla bla .

I over think ,a lot ,and that makes the unconfident and insecure me .

But Everything happens for a reason ... When I was a kid ,I couldn't say I matured totally but I did know the reality of this world .i mean some of them .People somehow just look at the better stuff .the other one wic is considered or categorized as good stuff,they do look at it ,but just for a moment .They still choose the better one .

And yeah ,people judge by looks .i don't mean all but mostly .when we first meet a person ,people who is good looking leaves a better impression to us .that is so true n so normal .so ,mostly all judge by looks then only by personality .

This is very normal .This happens all the time .You might say I always compare and I don cherish what I have ,but do you know people compared me with the other one since we were just kids ? And they did not choose me ,they chosed those better ,and that made me realize ,I MUST BE STRONG .I DONT WANT PEOPLE TO LOOK DOWN ON ME I WNT PEOPLE TO LIKE ME .

So over the 10 years ,I chosed to become like who I am now .i wasn't really happy .i always compared .I always gt envy when people were better than me because I was so scared ,I was afraid that people might leave me when they found out that I was not talented .

I don't blame anyone .Because its like the natural phenomena .We want better quality stuffs,even pets .Right ? But keep that in mind ,your choice over the better things might make the people who is not chosen to feel he or she is totally loser .That is why nowadays there are so many cases of suicide.

We say that those who suicide are too stupid and crazy and they DONT KNOW ABOUT LIFE YET .But you are not them ,you don't experience what they experience .You don't really understand .Things are always easy to say than doing them .So ,what I want to emphasize is that they might be wrong to suicide ,but somehow ...the reality forces them to ... 

There was a time I really wanted to choose that path too .i was really lost .I M NO KIDDING .My mind just went out of control and I just couldn't stop thinking that this world was against me all the time .i thought of thousands of ways to die .Die then I would be free from all those stupid comments n bla bla .

So you think I m crazy n stupid and I think too much huh ? That's what my friends always say bout me .But please ,you don't know the fucking things I hv ever experienced .you can bear it but it doesn't mean I can too .

But then I was thinking ,if I die ,then how bout my family n friends ? Will they sad ? Yes they will .and when I was in that bad condition I was so touched because there were actually my REALLY BEST FRIENDS to support me .They did not blame me for over thinking .But they did always text me and be with me always they were studying in other places .So I managed to get out from th shit . 

We ,who are considered as good other than the better quality ,what we want is just SINCERITY .FRIENDSHIP.And still SINCERITY .

Maybe ,I have to take the responsibitllity too .i care too much compare too much think too much . But it's impossible for me to be a really really cheerful person with no negative thinking because I m human .Humans are complicated . 

I m really happy I have all my friends with me ,those who really care about me and be with me all the time .Yes I need friendship because for me,family and friendship are the most important .They help me to be a better person .Yes ,I mean it .I am so thankful . 

And last night ,I suddenly realized that THERE IS ACTUALLY NO PERFECT SCORES no matter in what .Everything u think is perfect ,there is still some bad parts but the good parts shade your sight and u don't notice it .So what is bothering me all the time ? It's me myself who make myself sound so pity .Guess I will just let everything to be natural .things that aredestined to happen wil happen eventually . 

The reason I blog this is just to share it .If you don't like it ,just leave .ok ? 

Life update part 2

Hi ,I know I have promised to blog about LIFE UPDATE PART 2 but I was just too lazy haha . 

Here I am going to talk about the FIRST experience I have ever had !!!! I PLAYED WITH A DOGGIE !!! 

I have phobia of all kinds of animals .even the cutest RABBIT .So don't expect me to have a MINION as pet even those minions do exist .i don't know why ,I just can't touch them .i feel like I am going to break them anytime .weird huh but this is so me .i still remember last time my brother raised a hamster .He named it ' Betty '. Everyday I watched him playing with Betty and let her to run around his laps.Believe it or not ,Betty was the weapon my brother used to threat me whenever I did not want to fulfill his wishes ! So Everytime I just ran to my ah ma n screamed for help .It might sound too ridiculous but I really couldn't stand with the furry little thing to go near me .i felt so geli and Betty was so so tiny .i was afraid that one day I might sit on her and she would just die like that .Oh shit even now I m still ' mo gun Chang ' haha . 

   Pet lovers, I m so sorry but try to understand me haha .Dont hate me I don't want to be like neither .

But ,there is actually MIRACLE! Yeahhhhhh....I hold a doggie of my friend ,Tyana and we took pictures ! I even played with him haha .For me ,its really unbelievable .I mean ,I had been having phobia of pets for nearly 18 years but recently I JUST BREAK THE WEIRD PHOBIA & HOLD THE DOG ! 

Ok here's the story . 

That day I went to Ipoh as what I had stated in my part 1 . When we reached her house,I immediately ran to staircase trying to avoid the doggie .i felt so lucky that Tyana 's mom dint actually allow tuffy to go upstairs .After we unpacked our things ,we went down to watch tv .Then Tuffy started to ran towards my way and try to jump up the sofa to reach me .OMG I really freaked out that time .Tuffy really very cute but look at his teeth .I was just scared that he might bite me or anything haha .Luckily Tyana took him away but he still loved to run to me when Tyana let him go .LOL . 

And second day at her house ,before we went out for breakfast at Poh Sam ,her mom asked me n Tyana to hold the dog and take pictures in garden .I was telling her that PLS HOLD TUFFY TIGHT I M SCARED!! After a few shots ,her mom actually handed Tuffy to me ! To me ! And I also maybe kisiao that time so I just tried to hold it .

You know,I could really feel Tuffy 's bones and I really had the thinking to let him go just like that .But then I realized his heart was beating .JUst like HUMAN ! I sound so stupid I know .Dog is living thing of course Tuffy 's heart is beating lol .But the feeling was like you had been locked inside a dark room for such a long time and suddenly the door opened and the morning sky was so beautiful ..that kind of feeling was somehow mixed with fear,thrill and joy because finally you felt something you had never felt before .

So ,I braved myself and let Tyana 's mother to take pictures of us .I still look not natural in picture but I was so overjoyed that I finally knew what kind of feeling was that to hold a dog .And since then ,I made some progressions more .When we in the house ,tuffy was running here and there .He tried to jump up my feet and use his teeth to somehow bite me (.tuffy is 3- month baby so he probably just likes to bite whatever things haha . ) At first I still felt geli and uncomfortable but slowly I just let it hopped around me ,licking my toe nails and playing on my lap haha .But I still couldn't really hold him up and kiss him .I still Couldn't .

I have to admit ,after 2-3 days spending time with tuffy ,I am no more the previous chicken - hearted joey :D The fact is I  actually FALL IN LOVE with tuffy .alright ,I miss him right now ! I really mean it. What Tyana said probably correct ,EVERYONE LOVES HER DOG ! 

Tyana ,me n Tuffy  :)) 

Part 1 life update

Hey people .Whats up ? 

It's the second week since my A level Sem 2 started.Time flies .Now I have been in IICP for nearly 4 months .Hmm,I met amazing people here ,mostly girls ,though.haha .People askme whether I have met any HOT guys ? Um .No ? I not really know .College life is not like secondary school life .We don't really mix together .I mean ,we have different subjects so its kinda hard for all the guys and girls to mix together and talk .So ,I very very miss my male dudes .oh yeah my emo Thyng n banana n of course my neh Neh :)) 

Still ,every night I have to think about what should I wear for the following day .Guys,I know what you will think again .Yeah ,but I like fashion .I don't like to go out just with simple t n shorts .I love FRESH stuffs .I just love mix n pair the clothes .DONT judge me .I am not that kind of rich girl who can buy anything I want .Somehow there was one guy who misunderstood .He thought i rich but seriously I M NOT RICH .I do buy some branded stuffs but I know the limits .I just buy the stuffs I really really need .Ok ,I actually can't control myself when I shop .So ,DO NOT let me bring more than rm300! So ,I wonder who likes secondary school uniform better than what we are wearing to college now ? Tell me tell me :)) 

Proceed to Ipoh trip n 饥饿三十camp . 

PART 1 

Yeah I went to Ipoh last week with my coursemate ,Tyana Lee !!! I probably spent all the time eating there because there is TOO MUCH GREAT FOOD there .people who know me know that I m always eating healthily and avoiding oily food etc but I really ,really couldn't control myself .i really relished the time there .It was really fun to stay with tyana's family .They are so lovely n her mom actually very nice to me .She even paid for the stuffs we had bought .Thank you aunt n sorry I let you pay :) We went to Foh Sam to have dim sum .Um ,the food was quite ok .But the comments i heard from some of Instagramers are the dim sum there actually sucks .I don't know .But it was so crowded that day .Probably everyday .

My friend ,Tyana 

Our next stop was COFFEE AT 91 .Omg if you come to Ipoh you MUST go to this place ! This place is so so so adorable .Bur its kinda hard to find because its situated just beside the Tambun INN hotel which people might not easily see it.Well ,we 2 actually prepared to spend quite a lot of money on this round but it turned out ...so damn cheap ! We ordered the tiramisu in small bottles ,the mango delight and 2 cakes .Each of them just costed rm4.90++ .And the coffe we ordered just rm6.90 .The most important is ,They tasted just PERFECT ! I love tiramisu the most .Tiramisu is all over but it don't taste  too creamy .At the bottom there is some cookie-like chocolate .Oh ...it's heaven ! HEAVEN ! We ordered macaroons .2 for rm 3! So economy right ? People always tell me that macaroons taste too sweet but the macaroons there are so good .i really don't know how to further describe but if you try it ,you will know it . Oh yeah ,this shop has FB page .You may check it out .They change their menu every month so don't worry that you will getting bored of trying the same dessert :)  

Want part 2?